Balancing Acts

Ron Craker here with the first coaching post for 2007. Thanks to Rob and Jack for extending me this privilege and honor to support the Life Missions Leadership team.

Today's installment is about the good, the bad, and the ugly advice high achievers are given about attaining Life Balance. Let's look at three very common visuals of what life balance "should look like" and then a new model I offer for your consideration.

A dictionary definition of the word holds the first clue to unlocking a life that is truly ordered and effectively balanced. The dictionary says; Balance - "A state of equilibrium or parity characterized by cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces."

Some people just seek "balance" as a goal in and of itself. They are trying to achieve the first 6 words of definition (A state of equilibrium or parity). But they do not recognize the cost of these efforts (cancellation of all forces by equal opposing forces). In other words succeeding in balancing a life this way expends great amounts of energy to achieve, only to have the efforts cancel each other out and leave you exhausted and stuck, suspended in the middle of the forces you created. This method also puts "you" in the center as the thing that all those forces are acting upon.

Another version of this "balance is the goal" attitude is this picture.

We can achieve balance that is not static, but watch out! Now to achieve the goal of balance you have to keep moving ALL THE TIME.

It is pretty self-evident that these approaches are doomed to fail.

A common alternative, and one that is really big in the world of business and life coaching is the image of the Life Balance Wheel. This image sets the center of the wheel as 0, and the outer edge of the wheel as 10. You rank your level of satisfaction with each life area by drawing an arc at the number that represents your level of satisfaction. A 0 means you are not satisfied at all with an area right now; A 10 means everything in that area is absolutely perfect for you right now. The catch is; most coaches use this phrase, "Your life is riding on this wheel, how bumpy is the ride?" The problem with this is their correct answer would assume that all areas of your life have to be at exactly the same level and preferably you should shoot for 10's.

A more enlightened solution has been suggested by Stephen Covey. Most readers of this blog have heard the Stephen Covey "Big Rocks" story. Each week I get a jar with 168 hours of space in it, and I have the feeling that I have about 700 hours of things to do. How can I fit all that into my jar? The answer is I can't, but I can fit the most important things in. Covey gives analogy of a jar and a whole bunch of different sized rocks and sand. The goal is to fill the jar with as many rocks and as much sand as possible.

How can I accomplish this? The answer is that I put the big rocks in first, then the smaller rocks, then pour in the sand to fill in all the cracks between the rocks. This anecdote is used to demonstrate that each week I should define what my "big rocks" are. I write the "big rocks" down first in my calendar, then I plan the smaller rocks and sand in around them. The image of values based prioritization of my life is a much better image of balance than the previous ones. However, the temptation is still there to see the goal to be fitting in as much as I can into my 168 hour-a-week container. Yes, the big rocks go in first but the pebbles and sand also end up on the To Do List and the Day-Timer agenda.

The dictionary gives us a second definition of Balance - "The power or means to decide."

This alternative definition speaks of balance coming from what we do inside, not what we do outside ourselves. In Covey's model balance comes from deciding on Big Rocks over sand and pebbles. This model is still prone to putting "you" in the center of all things.

"You" don't need to be balanced, the "Things" you decide to do need to be balanced.

An effective life is not static nor it is not distributed equally. It is distributed "rightly". The amount of time and energy spent on different roles in your life can be balanced by the power and means of your decisions. If these choices are made from conscious and value based decisions, our life may well look “unbalanced” to an outside observer but be a healthy energy producing force for us inside. For example, if you are a brand new parent you know that 90% of your life efforts are directed towards that child for a period of time. That would never look balanced on a life wheel, but the right amount of energy at the right time in the right area will feel correct. There is a new visual image of balance that was inspired in me from a recent New Community series entitled "Mastering the Art of Living". The graphic that was chosen for this series was similar to this:

Simply a few rocks of all different sizes, important areas of life like work, parenting, marriage, and health; all on the bedrock of God. Balanced not against everything I could possibly do or fit into my life. Just balanced against each other changing position as the size needs in that area of life ebb and flow with the right amount of energy at the right time. Rob says that 2007 will be a very big rock year for your Mission rock. As you shift things around to meet these challenges and opportunities, we want to assist you in the simple art of balancing the important things of your life by the power and means of your decisions. Future coaching blogs will focus on supporting, encouraging, and celebrating all the areas of your life so that no important stone is lost on your climb to the summit of the mountain God has set before you.